Week 9 - Update

My office is becoming more inspirational by the week. Many of you wrote to me about my "strength" and "bravery" when sending your sweet baby's photos. By sharing your stories and images with me, you give me that. Usually, when I click on the gallery box to view your baby - I find myself smiling with that bittersweet taste of love for your sweet one and rage at the injustice of the world. Why must babies continue to die?


But, I must confess that I have my moments when the sight of your angels brings me to a new bout of tears - a fresh well I thought had run dry.


This week, it happened twice - induded by their dates. I realized just how entwined your children become with my life as I read that Ty entered and left this world on my third daughter's birthday. My breath caught, tears welled - then the smile. And then, I saw sweet Tessa who was born on that same day and died only 11 days later, on my second child's birthday.


It was too much. I allowed the tears to fall. Tears that said, How could we have been celebrating another year of Bear's or The Comedian's lives while these parents were sitting in shock - in a living hell - somewere else in the country?



I know it happens everyday. I mourn that reality. But it leaves me even more grateful that you are willing to share your children with me - for never again will I take those days for granted, celebrate just for the sake of birthday cake - without memory of your children causing that bittersweet smile in my heart.


And now - The Angel Wall - (as always, please take a moment with each name and date to remember both the baby and the parents who miss them)



WE REMEMBER WITH LOVE:

Lukas John - Left this world on January 30th, 2009.

Ty Gary - b/d January 26th, 2009

Owen Anil - b/d January 31st, 2009

Baby O - March 14th, 2008

Austin Nicholas Barthen - Born: 2/26/81 Died: 9/16/05

Tessa Marie - Born: January 26th, 2009 ~ Died: February 6th, 2009

WEEK SEVEN

Before I post the update for the angel wall I feel led to say something.

Our Angel Wall is growing. It is taking shape before my eyes, week by week. I often wonder if people grapple with the decision to send me their memories, their gorgeous pictures of angel children or if sharing them is easy, a way to affirm their existance and be recognized by others.

This week I offered to put one mother's lost daughter on the wall, followed by "I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby". This is the response I received. "Thank you.. yes I would.
Her name is Courtney, she didn't die as a baby. She was born on Feb 13, 1984 and died Sept 14, 2000, at age 16."

I have to admit I was stunned by my own unrecognizable bias. I just assumed her loss was a baby and I must apologize. My grief blog makes it clear that ALL losses are considered equally devestating - regardless. The opening says, "This is a place for anyone who has felt the loss of a child. Treat this as a communication haven regardless of how or when you felt your loss. My definition of loss: miscarriage at any stage, still birth regardless of week gestation, infant death at any month, and loss of a child even if your child was all grown up. For me they all hold the same root of devestation. None are more profound or more "easily" dealt with than another."

So I can see why you might have thought this wall was only for baby losses. It was my own blinders that led me to write, "I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet baby". But I also wrote, "even if your child was all grown up." And the latter is what I meant.

To be clear - this wall is open to your losses, any and all, whether you have 5 weeks of pregnancy memories or 25 years of life memories with your child.

******

And Now - The Angel Wall

Remembered Always - In Loving Memory

Addison Eva - b/d April 3rd, 2008

Siblings for Life - Regardless of space and time
Kehlie - b/d January 3rd, 1972
Patrick Zachariah - b/d December 29th, 1979
Tristan - b/d September 1st, 1984
Trinity - August 30th, 1985
Courtney - born: February 13th, 1984 - died: September 14th, 2000

Week Five

We Remember:

George Boucher-Brown - October 20th, 2008

Week Four

We Remember:

Zackery Austin- May 3rd, 2003

Avery and Sophie, Sisters, November 12th, 2007

The beginning

In Memory ...

Emma Grace - 9/8/00

Hope Angel - 8/19/08

Aaron Jacob - 5/1/08

Michelle's First - 9/11/05

Michelle's Second- 10/18/06

Michelle's Third - 2/26/08

Michelle's Fourth - 3/11/08